Like a Virgin
by to kill a flappybird
Summary: Cupid, just hit me with that stupid arrow already. / there will be: cassie, clam and massington
1. Trailer

Cupid, just hit me with that stupid arrow already. / valentines day themed short-multichap

**a/n: **so I prewrote some of this story and I'm not gonna lie, this is kind of the derpiest shit I have ever written

oops don't get your hopes up sorry

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><p><strong>Like a Virgin<strong>

trailer

.

Meet

The virgin;

_Hello, nice to meet you, I'm Massie; virgin extraordinaire._

The player;

_I don't know what his name is. But he's veryvery yummy, what with his dark mop of hair, his heart-melting mismatched eyes, his endearing smile..._

The best friend;

_"Mass, I think you need to hear this. GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY. All better?"_

_"Much better. Thanks for being a true friend." _

_"My pleasure." _

The _other _best friend;

_"Why did you have to go and do that to me, Derrick?"_

_"Because I care about you. I mean, not in that way. Unless you want me to care about you in that way-I mean, I don't but I do-ah, I'll just shut up now." _

The one that no one likes;

_"GET OUT TODD!"_

_"Nope."_

and The headmistress/stepmother;

_"So.__You_ know_ how I feel about love letters.__ And there's a rumor about love notes being passed around school. __ Is this true?"_

_We all point at each other. "It was them!"_

_"Detention for all of you then."_

_"You suck piss." _

_"What?_

_"What?"_

One girl's quest to lose her virginity;

_Wow. This whole virginity thing has totally taken a toll on my social life._

And one boy's quest to take it;

_"I'm going to get laid by this chick whether you like it or not, Harrington. Personally, I'm not one for brunettes but she'll do. Literally because I'm doing her. Get it?"_

But who will win her heart?

_"I actually kind of like you a little bit...maybe, possibly-I don't know." _

_"Oh...you mean that?"_

_"No I just totally fumbled over those words for nothing-yes I mean it." _

one fucking stupid love story

**Like a Virgin**

_coming soon to a screen near you_


	2. chapter one

**a/n: **ack ily guys, I wanted to get this out sooner but I decided to finish the next chapter first.

chapter two will be soon, then. I just have to do the third which I'm excited about c:

by the way, all of the chapters are probably going to be like this length unless I feel like making them longer

heart ya

xo

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><p><strong>Like a Virgin<strong>

chapter one

.

Hello, nice to meet you, I'm Massie; virgin extraordinaire.

Okay, okay, that probably wasn't the greatest way to introduce myself-especially given that usually the ever-so-proper _Massie Elizabeth Block_ would say it with elegance and grace, most likely adding her town in there somewhere and a snobbish laugh. Then, she would sprinkle in a stuck up catchphrase of some sort. The end result: "Hello, my darlings, I'm Massie Elizabeth Block. My father is the CEO of one of the world's _top_ energy providers and it's your pleasure to meet me. _Hoh-hoh-hoh._"

Gee, was I really that bitchy two months ago? Oh well. My therapist has been helping me a lot recently in finding myself and pushing away the snotty-rich-girl persona [though somehow she can't manage to rid me of my pesky virginity]. Believe me, I am _so _over that lifestyle. And can anyone really blame me?

Whatever.

I suppose you can guess from my previous statements that I am, in fact, a **virgin.** Maybe it doesn't seem too bad to you _middle class _folks-oh god, I'm really sorry,I didn't mean it-but this is a complete emergency. I mean, a senior in high school [not just any high school; Briarwood Academy] that hasn't had sex? That's just unheard of around here.

Then there's this beyond idiotic holiday along with it. I swear, if I see one more candy gram, I am going to pull out my hair_. _And trust me when I say that Jakkob will lose his head if he has to reattach my perfect, chocolate brown locks to my head. Besides, _ouch!_

That reminds me, I need to see if Dyl texted me the deets about her spa getaway this weekend.

Looking down, I pick up my phone and unlock it.

**No.**

**Freaking.**

**Messages.**

Wow. This whole virginity thing has totally taken a toll on my social life.

.

The one thing I hate more than Valentine's day: School.

During class, my teacher drones on and on about quadratic equations or _whatever_ and the whole time, I'm just sitting there like-

_Why am I here? _

_This is pointless. _

_My daddy could literally buy my way through this class._

_No, Massie. You're a new person. You don't need your daddy-ahem-father to buy you out of education._

_But I waaaaaaaaant toooooo._

_No. You're grounded. Go to your room._

_We're in class, stupid._

And then I feel dumb for mentally arguing with my conscience. This whole 'change' thing will be harder than I thought...

Anyway.

After class, I'm walking down the hallway when suddenly I bump into this guy. But not just _any_ guy. The_ hottest_ guy in school [I'm pretty sure]. His hotness makes everyone else look like...cold things.

Shut up. My mind blanked.

Hmm, I don't know what his name is... But he's veryvery yummy, what with his dark mop of hair, his heart-melting mismatched eyes, his endearing smile...Excuse me while I swoon.

My virgin instincts: fall on top of the guy.

So, of course, I inconspicuously launch myself onto him.

Unfortunately, I use too much force and we both fall down in the middle of a crowded hallway. With me on top of him. I mean, I guess that was the plan, but it doesn't make it any less awkward.

"Oh, I am _so _sorry! I'm such a klutz. Totally tripped on this kid's pencil." _Please don't look to see there's no pencil. Please. Don't. Look, _I silently beg.

"No, it's fine." He grins, sliding out from under me before I could get a good whiff of him and helping me to my feet. I casually flick some imaginary dirt off of my radiant orchid [color of the year _he-llo_] skirt, fluttering my eyelashes in the most flirtatious way conceivable. We stand there, blinking at each other for a few minutes before he finally says, "Um...bye?"

And then he just

**Walks.**

**Away.**

God damn it.

"I didn't get your name!" I call after him. When he doesn't turn around, I blurt, "I'm Massie! My number is 555-0347! Call me!"

Now, if you'll excuse me, its time to smack myself for being such an idiot.


	3. chapter two

**a/n: **woo chapter woo

heart you guys

xo

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><p><strong>Like a Virgin<strong>

chapter two

.

I hate my friends sometimes.

Like, honestly.

"Massie, its totally okay to be a virgin," Claire says, flipping her blonde hair and shining her blue eyes.

Claire is my absolute best friend in the world. Well, okay, she's really more like my sister. Mostly because, while I love her unconditionally, there are moments like these that make me want to rip her heart out and sell it to strange men for profit.

"In fact, I think its kind of admirable. You know, waiting until you find someone you really love," she continued.

Being the girl I am, I pout and cross my arms at her. _Easy for her to say,_ I snort inwardly. _She's already lost her virginity_. Whatever. She wasn't the problem at the moment... "I promise you, Block, you're going to be grateful. You know, I remember when I lost my virginity," he sighs nostalgically with a grin playing on his lips. "Olivia Ryan, about three years-"

Meet Derrick Harrington; my other best friend. If I were going to sell _his_ body parts, theoretically, it would be his abs. Or his eyes. I know puppies who want them back.

"Derrick?! Three years?!" I shriek. Wait, why am I surprised?

"Oh yeah, you're right. It was four. So, four years ago, in my mom's minivan-"

"Spare me the details," I cut him off again, cupping my hands over my ears and staring at the ground. Derrick is like a brother to me, I can't listen to him talk about him doing the deed for the first time. Especially when he did it so long ago...and I _still_ haven't. "I need some time alone."

Derrick tsked softly. "Doesn't taking virginity require a bit of _male_ sort of company? Hard to do when you're alone..."

"Shut up."

.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket during class the next day and quickly slipped it out, swiping through the lock screen and seeing the message I got.

**Unknown Number: **Hey, it's the dude you rjn over in the hakk tje other day

My nose wrinkles in confusion. _What? _

**Unknown Number: **ran* hall* the* man, that darn autocorrect.

**Massie: **awkward moment when autocorrect wouldn't misspell like that

**Unknown Number:** Yeah you caught me HaHa

**Unknown Number: **I'm Cam by the way.

_Ooh, Cam...cute name_, I grin to myself as I add his number in my contacts.

**Massie: **so I see you wrote down my number ;)

**Cam: **Pft, nooooo actually, I forgot your number when you said it and chased after some nerd with stellar memory, beating him up until he recited it for me

**Massie: **OMG ur so funny

_..Flashback.._

_"My number is ... Call me!"_

_Cam stopped in his tracks, turning immediately to the nerd to his left and shoving him up against the lockers. "You heard that number didn't you? Of course you did! Now tell me or the book gets it," the black-haired boy threatened, yanking a textbook out of his grip and holding it above a trashcan._

_"No! The librarian will make me pay a hundred and fifty dollars for that if its ruined!"_

_"You better start clucking then, chicken."_

_Nerd looked puzzled. "What?"_

_"You know what I meant." _

_..end of flashback.._

**Cam: **Yeah that would never happen... HaHa

.

When I arrive home in the afternoon, I have a smile planted on my lips.

"Why are _you_ so happy?" Todd, Claire's little brother, raises his eyebrow. He's sprawled out on my family room couch, reading some T Vogue magazine upside down.

"Why are _you_ in my house?"

"Touche."

"Get out." I roll my eyes, yanking away the magazine and ruffling his red hair. Ooh, I hope that doesn't make him think we're playful now. I really wanted to rip it out of his skull but decided not to at the last second.

It reminds me too much of bitchy-Dylan.

[Insert shudder here]

**Never.**

**Again.**

As soon as he was out the door, I whipped out my phone and started dialing Claire's number. _Wait...no, didn't she date some dude named Cam? This conversation won't end well._ Backspace.

Backspace.

Backspace._  
><em>

Quickly, I pull up Derrick's contact and press the call button.

"Hey, what's up?" I hear him pick up the phone.

With a small shriek, I jump up and down. "I just talked to the cutest guy the other day and today he texted me-" I notice a lack of sound, "Wait, are you still there? Hellooo?"

The line goes dead with a _beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_.

_Boys,_ I roll my eyes.


	4. chapter three

**a/n: **the next installment in my horrible derpy v-day derp series hooray

lol sorry

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><p><strong>Like a Virgin<strong>

chapter three

.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my v-card any day now. It's only a matter of time, right?

Valentine's day is in a few weeks, which means the Valentine's day _dance _is in a few weeks. Everyone knows I hate this holiday; but I actually have a boyfriend this time! So, I will officially be-rid myself of this pesky virginity by that night.

And I think I know who it's going to be...

[Wink]

[Wink]

.

"Cam Fisher!?"

I nod.

Claire doesn't look very happy. "You're dating _Cam Fisher?_" she repeats incredulously. Eyes rolling, I nod again.

"Yes, what part of 'I'm-dating-Cam-Fisher' did you not understand? You know, Claire, sometimes you can be a real _blonde._" She glares at me, balling her fists. I think for a moment about why she could be so upset about me dating him. Then I _actually _use my brain. Oh, god. Cam is her ex-boyfriend, isn't he? "Well,I'm not really _dating _him per say, like it's not official or anything. I can break it off if you want..."

This makes her eyes light up. "You're the best." And without another glance, Claire skips down the hallway.

_Sigh, _I open my locker and suddenly, a note flutters down and lands on my books. On top, my name is scrawled in clumsy handwriting.

It reads;

_Dear Massie,_

_Roses are red, __Violets are blue_

_I don't like poems, __and neither do you_

_I kind of like you, maybe a lot_

_you're pretty cute, even when you're not_

_-secret admirer_

_p.s. I'm not exactly an expert poet, sorry_

Is this dude for real?

God damn it, there's someone out here who would probably want to have sex with me and they didn't even leave their name or number?!

Inconsiderate little...um...duck?

With a frustrated groan, I slide the note into my folder and pad to the cafeteria for lunch. Claire was sitting at our usual table, Derrick approaching and pulling out a chair for himself. I'm about to set my crap down in my seat when I feel someone's arm slip around my waist. "RAPE-oh; hey, Cam."

He flashed a toothy grin. "What's up, Mass?"

Glancing over my shoulder, I spot Claire searing a hole through us with her gaze. Is that my cue? I think that's my cue. "Nothing, I just have to talk to you-Claire's like not okay with us dating or whatever...so bye now."

I walk away only for him to yank me back. "What?"

"We're over. Done. I care about you but-" I look over to Claire and frown. I'm choosing my friend over potential virginity-loss..._who am I_? Turning back to him, I force a pained smile, not really wanting to do this. "I care too much about my friend's feelings."

Cam pouts but relents, walking away in defeat.

Finally, I just sit down and pull my lunch bag out of my backpack. "So...I got a secret admirer note today." I oh-so-casually mention while biting into an apple.

"Oh that's awesome! Someone other than Cam for you to date!"

"I guess," I sigh as Derrick flinches awkwardly and I raise an eyebrow at him.

Psh. Boys.

.

My phone softly purrs the dial tone before _click._

"Sorry about earlier; we're just going to have to be secretive about this..."


	5. chapter four

**a/n: **update ft. derrick pov

teehee it was derrick who wrote the note [I mean, who else would it be; right?] but with a twist I guess...so yeah. nodnod

writing in new povs makes me happy so if you want me to write a different pov or just stick to massie, let me know. *I love writing all povs jsyk its not like I hate writing massie haha*

**qotd** [question of the day]: what's your favorite play?

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><p><strong>Like a Virgin<strong>

chapter four

.

**derrick**

I regret the moment Claire forced me to write that note for Massie.

_She just needs someone else to find intrest in,_ she had said. _Get over Cam,_ she said. _We would be saving her in the long-run,_ she said.

But I think we all knew those were lies.

And yet I still wrote the damn note anyway.

It's not that I don't care about Massie; I do. I mean-it's just...I never really thought of her in _that _way. I've known her since I was, like, six years old. The only reason we became friends-and I even came anywhere near her-was because of our parents. The Block's had this Valentine's day dinner party or whatever with their socialite friends and plopped us in her room with some toys until it was over, and we ended up having an epic sleepover. Claire moved here a few years later, and the rest was history.

I mean, I guess she's pretty and smart and nice, and all of those things... And funny...mostly in a dimwitted kind of way though...I HATE FEELINGS.

Well, now I'm sitting at my desk trying to think of another note to write her that sounds relatively sincere. Relatively.

Here's what I have so far:

_dear massie,_

It took me a while.

Capital letters versus lowercase. Comma or no comma. What. To. Do.

.

Finally.

Finished.

I walk down the hallway, note in hand and ready to deliver. Her locker was in sight, just about ten yards out of range. A few more steps and...bam! I run into the wall.

Oh, I guess I should pay more attention to where I'm walking.

Recovering quickly, I start heading towards it again. But, of course, something gets in my way. A bulky man-chest with arms crossed in front of it. "Excuse me, abdomen," I poked it. "But I kind of need to put this note in a girl's locker, thank you."

"Who's locker?" I look up to the voice. Oh hey it's Cam's face. He looks so much smaller from afar. And from Claire's breakup story about him. She's got a lot of those though, so I guess they all blend into a short, stubby low-life at one point or another.

"Um...no one's? Who said anything about a locker?" Insert uncomfortable laughter here.

"You did."

"Well..." I looked around for an escape. Damn it, we're on the third floor; there's no way I can jump out any windows. Unless I'm like, Tom or Jerry or something.

He reaches forward and yanks the envelope out of my hand, ripping it open and taking out the note. "'Dear Massie,'" he read. "Oh, how sweet. The guy has a crush on his best friend. The guy sends love notes to her. The guy is revealed. The girl rejects him. I'm touched, really."

"It's not what it looks like." I roll my eyes, irritated.

"Oh, I think it's exactly what it looks like." He smirks. "The only thing keeping me from telling Massie is, well, _nothing._ So, should I just go and tell her that her creepy best friend has been sending her love notes?"

I narrow my eyes. "No!"

"Fine, fine, you make a good arguement. I guess I won't tell her..." I breathe a sigh of relief until he continues. "_If _you let me take credit instead."

What? No, that would ruin everything. Well, I guess I don't really know the purpose of me doing it but I'm pretty sure it was distract her and get her _away _from Cam. Like catnip. But I'm pretty sure this would drive her right to him, and for some reason there's this clenching in my chest and I really don't like the idea of seeing Massie with anyone. "Why?" I question.

He shrugs. "I don't know. She's hot, seems pretty desperate, and everyone knows she's a virgin. I'm not one for turning down sex, even with an ameteur. They're easier to mess with anyway." _Is this guy actually telling her best friend all of this-oh yeah, I guess he's blackmailing me so I can't really do anything anyway...Ugh._

"I won't let you use her like that, Massie's _much _more than just hot and desperate and a virgin! Not that those are bad qualities," I clarified.

"I'm going to get laid by this chick whether you like it or not, Harrington. Personally, I'm not one for brunettes but she'll do. Literally because I'm doing her. Get it?"

"But-"

"Unless you want her to find out about your little secret..." He smirks again.

I sigh in defeat. "Fine, don't come crying to me when she doesn't give it up to you."

"That wouldn't happen."


	6. chapter five

**a/n:** lol idek what life is anymore oops

massie likes orals

oh yeah so semi-hiatus on ffn idk like really small i believe. i will be writing or whatever if i can but i'm mega busy with school, theater, cheer, my friends, parents potential divorce, and a ton of shit like that. I'll definitely be active on weekends if i can and all of spring break. probably. it won't be that different from the past few months, i'll try to be on when i can but i only have a handful of friends on here anyways.

thanks and ily

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><p><strong>Like a Virgin<strong>

chapter five

.

Derrick was acting weird and I don't know why...eh, it's probably nothing. I just have to get started on this project with Claire. "Okay, what time do you want to practice our french orals?"

_Yup, no way to make that sound less sexual._

"I dunno," Claire said, flipping through her French textbook. "We can go to my house after school. I'll drive."

I nod before groaning in frustration. "The only problem is that Staircase is going to throw a fit." Staircase is what I call my step mother because steps are in stairs and her skull is as thick as a board. Oh, and she's a nutcase.

No one ever said it was clever.

With lighthearted sigh, Claire twirls a bit of hair. "Maybe she won't notice? I think there's a staff meeting tonight."

"And your dad is on a business trip. No one will be home," Derrick adds. I shrug and sling my bag over my shoulder as we keep walking to lunch. "Did you get anymore notes?" he wonders.

I think for a moment before remembering that I put the most recent note in my bag. With a quick nod, I side-dig for the letter while trying to maintain focus on the hallway so I wouldn't run into someone. After finally fishing it out, I smile at the envelope with pride.

"I see you got my letter," a voice said behind me.

"Cammie!" I squeal, turning around and wrapping my arms around him. "You wrote these?" He nods. "That's so sweet!"

Derrick grumbles something next to me and I tell him to shut up.

.

"Bonjour."

"Salut."

"Je m'appelle-"

"TODD!" a boy's voice chirped.

Claire and I whip our heads to see Todd jumping up and down on the couch. "Could you not?"

"Why? Are you afraid of people seeing two girls giving an oral," he says with a suggestive tone.

"GET OUT TODD!" Claire throws a pillow at his face but the boy doesn't budge.

"Nope."

"MOM!" In frustration, Claire leaps off the couch and storms upstairs, calling for her parents and occasionally mentioning that Todd is an annoying lard. The redhead just bounces on the cushions looking pleased with himself and I can't deny being the slightest bit amused.

The siblings disappear upstairs after Mama Lyons decides she has had enough of their bickering, leaving me to my own devices.

Obviously [because I'm an excellent and trusting best friend] I take the legal path and decide to go through all of Claire's things in their office...in a legal manner. Did I mention how legal it was because I considered it a very legal task. Like, it was so within the limits of the law, it made me go like, "What are jail?"

Such legal. Very snoop. So Massie. Much office. Wow.

Doge entertains me too much.

Anywho.

I'm digging through the drawers when I spot something interesting on top of the desk. A pink envelope with my name scrawled on the front just like my other love letters.

Now, I know that I am no Einstein but I'm pretty sure E does not equal MC squared in Claire's desk. MC being Massie's Cards and E being Elsa because Frozen is the best movie in the history of ever.

But why is it in there? Why does Kuh-laire have my love letters? They're _mine! _Cammie wrote them for _me_ because he loves _me. _Of course, it may not have been him at all. It could have been a plan that Claire concocted to get me away from him, which subsequently backfired because Cam always finds a way to get what he wants and it ultimately drove me closer to him.

Nah.

Claire was always the jealous type-clearly she stole them out of my locker before I could read them to make me mad at him for not writing! Well, she wouldn't get away with this.

I have a plan.

Without telling her I was leaving [because I was mad at her for having my note within my snooping vicinity], I ran out the front door and bolted to my car.

Revenge waits for no man.

Er...um, woman?


	7. chapter six

**a/n: **this chapter is kinda short and not so funny but eh i tried, this was more of a filler anyway lol.

ily

.

**Like a Virgin**

chapter six

.

Plotting.

Plotting is the hard part.

I pace up and around my bedroom, just hoping-nay, _dreaming_- a plan would hit me upside the head at any given second... Nothing happened. _God, _I mentally address the imaginary being up in the sky. _That was your cue to hit me with an idea. _

Suddenly, my phone lights up with a call from Derrick. Aha! I'll have him help me.

Quickly, I pick up the cellular device and answer. "Derry, I need you to assist."

.

"Maybe there's another reason as to why she has your letters in her office. Like what if Cam dropped them off to give to you more directly?" Derrick splutters excuses rather stupidly.

I shake my head. "Quit being an idiot. Cam would just deliver them to me. Now, if you're done trying to defend Claire for obviously stealing my letters in a jealous rage, can we move on with the revenge?" After gulping uncomfortably - as if he wants to tell me a secret or something - Derrick nods. "Awesome, so how about I take a bucket of glue and uh...pour it on the hallway floor so she can't get to class and um, she'll get a tardy?"

"I feel like you would just get detention for spilling glue all over the floor if you did that."

"Touche."

He thinks for a moment before grinning like he came up with the most brilliant idea ever. "How about..."

"Go on."

"Maybe..."

"Derrick, tell me." I roll my eyes.

"Potentially..."

"Spit it out god damn it!"

"You could..." His smile drops to a serious gaze. "Break up with your dumb ass boyfriend." Jaw dropping, I scoff at this completely absurd statement. "Block, she just doesn't want you dating him. If you make her happy, she won't take your notes."

"I also won't be receiving them either," I grumble.

He ignores my statement and continues. "But if you _really _must get revenge on her, I think I have an idea."

.

Derrick's idea is to write a fake love note for her to distract her from Cam so she would be chill with me dating him. Isn't that so original?

I slipped it into her locker earlier... [insert evil laughter here]. I just can't wait until- "Massie! There must be a secret admirer infection or something - even I got one," Claire squeals as she sits down next to me in French Class.

"Awesome." I fake smile. _You suck dicks, Claire. You suck major dicks. _"Who do you think it's from?"

At this, she blushes. "I dunno..." She clearly does know...or thinks she knows. Because certainly she wouldn't think its- "Derrick?"

[Insert spit take here] "Why would Derrick like you? Ehma-ew." She simply shrugs and turns to the board, scribbling down some notes on past tense. I shake my head at her looking so happy. I do not sail that ship. Thinking of Derrick with someone irks me, like he's not allowed to be with anyone.

It's as if I'm jealous or something.


	8. chapter seven

**a/n: **oi

so this was written terribly and short but whatever lololol

.

**Like a Virgin**

chapter seven

.

When I skip into class about a week later, I bump into Derrick. The blonde kid flashes a grin in my direction, and I _casually_ toss one back. Unfortunately, it distracts me to the point which I don't look where I'm going and I trip on a desk; falling flat on my face. I hear Derrick let out a loud guffaw before he leans down to help me up. This only ends in further disaster, as I start standing at the same time and my head slams into his.

Now we both are on the floor, giggling uncontrollably. The rest of the class is quirking their eyebrows up in confusion, judging us with their beady eyes.

Derrick offered me his hand and at the moment our skin touches, sparks pricking at my skin. "Derry, you freaking shocked me!"

"Sorry!" he laughs, throwing his arms up in surrender.

I roll my eyes at my best friend, standing up on my own. Suddenly, everything becomes clearer to me - as if the shocks from his palm to mine switched something on in my brain.

_"Derrick was acting weird."_

_"If I were going to sell _his_ body parts, theoretically, it would be his abs. Or his eyes. I know puppies who want them back."_

_"I sigh as Derrick flinches awkwardly and I raise an eyebrow at him."_

_"Break up with your dumb ass boyfriend."_

_"__Thinking of Derrick with someone irks me, like he's not allowed to be with anyone. __It's as if I'm jealous or something."_

_"Doesn't taking virginity require a bit of _male_ sort of company? Hard to do when you're alone..."_

I like Derrick!

And he must like me! Its so obvious now!

Fully assured of myself, I grin widely at the blonde kid. He shoots me a suspicious look in return. _Its now or never, _I justify. _Might as well tell him and save time. _"Derry, can I tell you something personal?"

"'Course." He nodded.

"I like you," I blurt.

Derrick doesn't respond at first.

"I'm gay."

My mouth falls agape as I stare at Derrick. "Wait, wait, wait...What?"

He blinks at me, then dropping his gaze to the floor. I suddenly grew very nervous. My best friend...gay? He couldn't be gay. Not that I'm against it or anything; it's totally chill. But like..._no-no-no-no-no_! I just discovered feelings for this dude! We're supposed to confess our undying love, ride off into the sunset on his Pegasus and have sex next to a leprechaun's pot of gold.

But nooooooooooooo.

Derrick has to go and decide to be fucking gay. God damn it, will I ever catch a break?

"I'm gay," he repeats.

"I think you're bisexual." I shake my brunette little head.

He raises his eyebrows. "Why is that?"

"Because you're a dumb motherfucker as well."

.

"This doesn't make any sense." I frown. "You had sex with all of those girls."

He just shrugs. "It was a good cover."

"And you were jealous about me dating Cam."

"Because I like Cam."

I nod in understanding. I guess it all makes sense now. Really, I should have anticipated it. He was best friends with me, after all. With all the cute guys I point out constantly, its no wonder that he took notice of them.

"I also like eating raw catfish and goat milk."

"Okay this is definitely a dream." I laugh really hard and begin pinching myself.

.

I sat up with a start and breathed deeply in major relief. "Thank god. I almost thought I would need to make Daddy buy his straight-ness."


End file.
